Chuck Norris

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ericsti

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1. There are two hands that can beat a royal flush. Chuck Norris's right hand and Chuck Norris's left hand.

2. Professor Charles Xavier from X-Men once tried to read Chuck Norris's mind. Now he's sitting in a wheel chair.

3. If Chuck Norris had been a Spartan the movie would have been called "1".

4. The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Chuck Norris in gratitude for his Serviceto the city. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

5. When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Chuck Norris , he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.

6. Some people see the glass as half full. Others see it as half empty. Chuck Norris see the glass as a deadly weapon.

7. Chuck Norris never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.

8. On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.

9. Chuck Norris's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris.

10. When Santa Claus asked Chuck Norris what he wanted for Christmas, he snapped his neck. No one interrogates Chuck Norris and gets away with it.

11. It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Chuck Norris's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
 
Chuck Norris doesnt sleep he waits.

Chuck Norris once went to Mc Donalds and ordered a Whopper and got it.... Fact
 
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
 
Car park spaces marked with a handicap sign are not for handicapped people, they are, in fact, chuck norris spaces and mean that if you park there, you will be handicapped..
 
saw missing in action 3 during the week on bravo, half way tru the film chuck was told by some officer fella not to step on anyones toes and chuck just said " i dont step on toes, i step on necks " :lol:
 
chuck norris brushes his teeth with a wire brush.

chuck norris doesn't read books, he merely stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
 
[quote author=Norris! link=topic=7903.msg95155#msg95155 date=1214241148]
im Chuck Norris
[/quote]

And I'm the Hoff.... lets dance...
 
[quote author=christypeuksti link=topic=7903.msg95265#msg95265 date=1214253991]
try this type in 'find chick norris' on google but dont click google search click im feeling lucky........ :lol:
[/quote]
absolute class :lol: :lol: :lol: :thumbsup:
 
Just a few more...... :lol: :lol: :lol:

Chuck Norris knows what Willis is talking about

Chuck Norris didn't wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

Chuck Norris doesn't step away from the vehicle. The vehicle steps away from Chuck Norris.

A blind man bumped into Chuck Norris. The simple act of touching him cured the man's blindness, unfortunately the first and last thing the man saw was a fatal roundhouse kick to the face by Chuck Norris..

Someone once challenged Chuck Norris to a duel... that person is now known as Captain Hook..

Chuck Norris once took a very big dump...that dump is known as Mt. Everest (also, the leak he took with it is known as the Pacific Ocean).

The Bible used to be called Chuck Norris and Friends.

According to Einstein's Theory of Relativity, Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you in the face...YESTERDAY!!

There is no Life or Death, only Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking you in the face.

The universe was created when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a star in the face for being too bright.

Chuck Norris' sperm is so CRaZy that one time he impregnated a chick and seven months later she gave birth to a Ford Excursion.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard in the face that that person was sent through a time rift into another dimension. That person is now known as Satan.

Chuck Norris' beard is barbed wire soaked in ox blood and held together by the souls of mortals.

Once on the filming of Walker, Texas Ranger, when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a stunt man, his foot went so fast that it traveled back in time and kicked Amelia Earnhart in the head on her last voyage.

God said "Let there be light" and Chuck Norris said "Say please".

There are no bombs, chuck norris just jumps out of a hellicopter and punches the ground.

When Chuck Norris pees, he clogs the toilet.

There was only one man ever to outsmart Chuck Norris, Steven Hawking, he got what he deserved.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are three sides of the force, the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

As a teen, Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a covet in the back hills of Tunsca, nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional history.

Chuck Norris was once put on the wrapper for a toilet paper company, the company field tested it and it didn't work because Chuck Norris doesn't take crap from nobody.
 
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sorry lads but who is chuck norris :smokin:, sounds like a pussy warrior . :lol: :lol: :lol:
and dont tell me hes famous caus if he was your mother would have known him :nana: :nana: :nana: :nana:
 
[quote author=mac mac link=topic=7903.msg95591#msg95591 date=1214402116]
sorry lads but who is chuck norris :smokin:, sounds like a p***y warrior . :lol: :lol: :lol:
and dont tell me hes famous caus if he was your mother would have known him :nana: :nana: :nana: :nana:
[/quote]

He got whopped by Brue Lee twice. Hes Walker Texas Ranger
 
hes a legend!!!!

when chuck norris steps off a plane, he doesnt look around, the world moves just for him so he doesnt strain himself.

DSC00377.jpg
 
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