Went into Boots at lunch time with my mate to grab a sandwich and got into a big queue behind a middle-aged woman.
She turned round to us and said that I looked remarkably like her Son. I made a joke that he was a lucky fella being blessed with my looks but then she looked all upset and told me that he had been killed in a motorbike accident the year before.
What a nob I thought, trust me to put my big daft f*cking foot in it, but it gets worse.....
She then turns back round and says the resemblance is uncanny and she started asking me all about where I come from, my family and stuff, it was completely weird. I kinda thought that she was questioning me to make sure I wasn't her Son.
By this time I'm wishing that this queue would go down but no, it's going really really slow.
If you think this stories a bit weird, read on.........................
She asks me my name so I tell her. She says that her Son was called Ian and the thing that really upsets her the most is that she never said goodbye to him. Apparently he still lived at home but worked shifts. On the morning he died he set off for work before this woman got up and she felt she never got to say goodbye.
I'm listening to all this but didn't have a clue where it was leading...................
She says that when she's done at the till, would it be ok to turn around and say "Goodbye Ian"? What would you say? What can you say?
So I agree. My mates whispering "Freak" into my ear by i'm shushing him 'cos I feel a bit sorry for this woman.
Anyway, she gets served, puts her stuff in her carrier bags and turns and says "Goodbye Ian, i'll see you later for tea, what time shall I expect you?"
"About 6:30" I blurted out, why? f*ck knows, it just came out.
So I get served and the girl on the till says "28.94"
Now , baring in mind I've bought a Chicken Wrap, a bottle of Pepsi Max and a yoghurt, I knew something was up. I questioned her but she then said that my Mum said I was paying for hers too................................
The woman was just heading for the door, I said to the woman on the till that I'd never seen this woman before in my life but she replied that I'd just told her that I would see her later for tea.
I quickly tried to tell the woman behind the till the story and my mate was backing me up.
To be fair to her, she seemed to believe me and she must have pressed a button under the till 'cos a Security bloke came running over, the woman behind the till described the woman who hadn't paid and he set off towards the doors.
We're stood there like lemons what what seemed like an hour but then the Security bloke comes back with this obviously crazy woman who by this time is hysterical. At this point I just want the floor to open up and swallow me. My mate's looking at his watch and saying he best get off home. I say no f*ckin' way, he's staying here until this mess gets cleared up.
This woman starts saying that she's all confused and needs a sit down and get some air. They get her a chair and as soon as the Security Guard takes a step back the woman jumps up and makes a bolt for the door.
The Security Guard runs after her followed by me and my mate. The guard rugby tackles her just as she's through the door and tries to bring her back inside. There was no way she was coming quietly and she refused to get up from the floor.
So the Security Guard grabs one of her legs and literally starts pulling her back into the shop. She's screaming "Ian ! Ian !, tell him to stop ! "
I'm stood there with my mate, not knowing what to do, not knowing what to say.
The Security Guards pulling, she's screaming, my mate's trying to do one.
She screams " Ian, Ian, don't you love me?"
And this Security Guards pulling her leg and she's screaming and he's pulling her leg......
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
....................just like i'm pulling yours!!!!!!!
(Have to say took this from a lad on dtd but dont know if he wrote it or found it himself!)
She turned round to us and said that I looked remarkably like her Son. I made a joke that he was a lucky fella being blessed with my looks but then she looked all upset and told me that he had been killed in a motorbike accident the year before.
What a nob I thought, trust me to put my big daft f*cking foot in it, but it gets worse.....
She then turns back round and says the resemblance is uncanny and she started asking me all about where I come from, my family and stuff, it was completely weird. I kinda thought that she was questioning me to make sure I wasn't her Son.
By this time I'm wishing that this queue would go down but no, it's going really really slow.
If you think this stories a bit weird, read on.........................
She asks me my name so I tell her. She says that her Son was called Ian and the thing that really upsets her the most is that she never said goodbye to him. Apparently he still lived at home but worked shifts. On the morning he died he set off for work before this woman got up and she felt she never got to say goodbye.
I'm listening to all this but didn't have a clue where it was leading...................
She says that when she's done at the till, would it be ok to turn around and say "Goodbye Ian"? What would you say? What can you say?
So I agree. My mates whispering "Freak" into my ear by i'm shushing him 'cos I feel a bit sorry for this woman.
Anyway, she gets served, puts her stuff in her carrier bags and turns and says "Goodbye Ian, i'll see you later for tea, what time shall I expect you?"
"About 6:30" I blurted out, why? f*ck knows, it just came out.
So I get served and the girl on the till says "28.94"
Now , baring in mind I've bought a Chicken Wrap, a bottle of Pepsi Max and a yoghurt, I knew something was up. I questioned her but she then said that my Mum said I was paying for hers too................................
The woman was just heading for the door, I said to the woman on the till that I'd never seen this woman before in my life but she replied that I'd just told her that I would see her later for tea.
I quickly tried to tell the woman behind the till the story and my mate was backing me up.
To be fair to her, she seemed to believe me and she must have pressed a button under the till 'cos a Security bloke came running over, the woman behind the till described the woman who hadn't paid and he set off towards the doors.
We're stood there like lemons what what seemed like an hour but then the Security bloke comes back with this obviously crazy woman who by this time is hysterical. At this point I just want the floor to open up and swallow me. My mate's looking at his watch and saying he best get off home. I say no f*ckin' way, he's staying here until this mess gets cleared up.
This woman starts saying that she's all confused and needs a sit down and get some air. They get her a chair and as soon as the Security Guard takes a step back the woman jumps up and makes a bolt for the door.
The Security Guard runs after her followed by me and my mate. The guard rugby tackles her just as she's through the door and tries to bring her back inside. There was no way she was coming quietly and she refused to get up from the floor.
So the Security Guard grabs one of her legs and literally starts pulling her back into the shop. She's screaming "Ian ! Ian !, tell him to stop ! "
I'm stood there with my mate, not knowing what to do, not knowing what to say.
The Security Guards pulling, she's screaming, my mate's trying to do one.
She screams " Ian, Ian, don't you love me?"
And this Security Guards pulling her leg and she's screaming and he's pulling her leg......
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
....................just like i'm pulling yours!!!!!!!
(Have to say took this from a lad on dtd but dont know if he wrote it or found it himself!)
