20-40years old?this is for you!!
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1. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
think
about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my
own
story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realise
you're wrong.
3. Have you ever been walking down the street and realised that you're
going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to
be
going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the
direction
from which you came, you have to first do something like check your
watch
or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure
that
no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly
switching
directions on the sidewalk.
4. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger.
5. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may
know"
feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose
not to
be friends with?
6. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it
wouldn't
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically
fix
the problem. Every kid did that, but how did we all know how to fix
the
problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just
figured
it out. Today's kids are soft.
7. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
8. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realise I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first
saw
it.
9. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
becomes
stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90
minutes
shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the
right
parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a
millisecond
earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets
it.
10. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
11. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand
than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
12. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your
computer history if you die.
13. LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing
else to
say".
14. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.
15. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart",
all I
hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
16. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just
nod and
smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
17. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams
up to
prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
18. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete
idiot.
Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes
that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies".
19. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow
each
other?
20. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
21. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
shower first and THEN turn on the water.
22. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Trousers ? Trousers never
get
dirty; you can wear them forever.
23. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
24. Bad decisions make good stories.
25. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
profile is public, I feel like a kid on Christmas morning that just
got the
Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I
do!
26. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to
go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be
a
problem ...
27. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at
work
when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.
28. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't
want
to have to restart my collection.
29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
30. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks
me if
I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear
I did
not make any changes to.
31. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this
ever.
32. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people
watching
TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge
me if
I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's
only
a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we
still
be friends after this?'
33. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
goes to
voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run
away?
34. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
seeing
anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
35. When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she
hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light
internet
stalking.
36. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,
then
I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
37. Why is a school zone 25 km/h? That seems like the optimal cruising
speed for paedophiles...
38. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not
know what time it is.
39. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not
to
answer when they call.
40. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys
in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -
but
I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3
feet
away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
41. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what
would
happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
42. I wonder if cops ever get pis*ed off at the fact that everyone
they
drive behind obeys the speed limit.
43. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
44. The other night I ordered take away and when I looked in the bag,
saw
they had included four sets of plastic cutlery. In other words,
someone at
the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and
then
estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require
such a
large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing
like
being made to feel like a fat ba*tard before dinner.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
think
about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my
own
story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realise
you're wrong.
3. Have you ever been walking down the street and realised that you're
going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to
be
going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the
direction
from which you came, you have to first do something like check your
watch
or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure
that
no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly
switching
directions on the sidewalk.
4. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger.
5. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may
know"
feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose
not to
be friends with?
6. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it
wouldn't
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically
fix
the problem. Every kid did that, but how did we all know how to fix
the
problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just
figured
it out. Today's kids are soft.
7. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
8. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realise I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first
saw
it.
9. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
becomes
stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90
minutes
shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the
right
parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a
millisecond
earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets
it.
10. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
11. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand
than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
12. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your
computer history if you die.
13. LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing
else to
say".
14. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.
15. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart",
all I
hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
16. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just
nod and
smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
17. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams
up to
prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
18. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete
idiot.
Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes
that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies".
19. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow
each
other?
20. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
21. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
shower first and THEN turn on the water.
22. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Trousers ? Trousers never
get
dirty; you can wear them forever.
23. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
24. Bad decisions make good stories.
25. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
profile is public, I feel like a kid on Christmas morning that just
got the
Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I
do!
26. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to
go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be
a
problem ...
27. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at
work
when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.
28. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't
want
to have to restart my collection.
29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
30. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks
me if
I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear
I did
not make any changes to.
31. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this
ever.
32. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people
watching
TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge
me if
I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's
only
a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we
still
be friends after this?'
33. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
goes to
voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run
away?
34. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
seeing
anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
35. When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she
hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light
internet
stalking.
36. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,
then
I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
37. Why is a school zone 25 km/h? That seems like the optimal cruising
speed for paedophiles...
38. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not
know what time it is.
39. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not
to
answer when they call.
40. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys
in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -
but
I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3
feet
away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
41. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what
would
happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
42. I wonder if cops ever get pis*ed off at the fact that everyone
they
drive behind obeys the speed limit.
43. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
44. The other night I ordered take away and when I looked in the bag,
saw
they had included four sets of plastic cutlery. In other words,
someone at
the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and
then
estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require
such a
large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing
like
being made to feel like a fat ba*tard before dinner.
:lol: 
