I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up.
> She said I had to stop w**king.
> When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"
>
>
>
> I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I
> mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?
>
>
>
> I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in
> front of a steam train.
> He was chuffed to bits.
>
>
>
> When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.
> Took her out with one punch.
>
>
>
> My grandad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.
> "It's worth spending money on good loudspeakers," he told me.
>
>
>
> A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was
> caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
> Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound
> to be curious about s*x at that age."
> "Curious about s*x?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"
>
>
>
> I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a
> gravestone. I said "morning."
> He replied, "No, just having a sh*t."
>
>
>
> Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.
>
>
>
>
> I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
> How could anyone stoop so low?
>
>
>
> I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth
> floor balcony shaking a carpet.
> I shouted up to him, "What's up, won't it start?"
> She said I had to stop w**king.
> When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"
>
>
>
> I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I
> mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?
>
>
>
> I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in
> front of a steam train.
> He was chuffed to bits.
>
>
>
> When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.
> Took her out with one punch.
>
>
>
> My grandad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.
> "It's worth spending money on good loudspeakers," he told me.
>
>
>
> A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was
> caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
> Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound
> to be curious about s*x at that age."
> "Curious about s*x?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"
>
>
>
> I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a
> gravestone. I said "morning."
> He replied, "No, just having a sh*t."
>
>
>
> Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.
>
>
>
>
> I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
> How could anyone stoop so low?
>
>
>
> I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth
> floor balcony shaking a carpet.
> I shouted up to him, "What's up, won't it start?"
:lol: 
