SOME JOKES TO OFFEND EVERYONE! :lol:
A history teacher asks a class full of kids 'What was Churchill famous for?' A kid at the back shouts out 'He was the last white man to be called Winston!'
What's the ideal weight for a mother-in-law? About 2.3 pounds including the urn.
What had 3 legs and lived on a farm?
The McCartneys
But really we shouldn't make fun of macca. After all will he ever find another woman to fill her shoe?
Was so depressed last night that I rang the Samaritans.
Got through to a call centre in Pakistan .
Told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane......
A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. She says 'Show me it's true what they say about black men'... So he stabbed her and nicked her purse.
I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me...
'Oi, what's your disability?'
I said 'Tourettes! Now f**k off you t**t!'
A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving.
'Excuse me do I know you?' he asks. 'Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids' she says.
The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says 'F***ing hell are you the bird I shagged on me stag do, whilst your mate whipped me and your other mate stuck a brush up my a**e?'
'No' she replies 'I'm your son's English teacher!'
I said to the wife, 'I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today, but when I looked again it said 'Thick Cut' '
What's the difference between Harold Shipman and Tony Blair?
Shipman actually did something about NHS waiting lists.
A bride on her wedding night says to her husband 'I must confess darling, I was a hooker!'.
He says 'That's alright, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it'.
She replies 'Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan !'.
A man says to his wife 'tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time'. His wife replies 'You've got a bigger dick than your brother'
A history teacher asks a class full of kids 'What was Churchill famous for?' A kid at the back shouts out 'He was the last white man to be called Winston!'
What's the ideal weight for a mother-in-law? About 2.3 pounds including the urn.
What had 3 legs and lived on a farm?
The McCartneys
But really we shouldn't make fun of macca. After all will he ever find another woman to fill her shoe?
Was so depressed last night that I rang the Samaritans.
Got through to a call centre in Pakistan .
Told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane......
A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. She says 'Show me it's true what they say about black men'... So he stabbed her and nicked her purse.
I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me...
'Oi, what's your disability?'
I said 'Tourettes! Now f**k off you t**t!'
A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving.
'Excuse me do I know you?' he asks. 'Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids' she says.
The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says 'F***ing hell are you the bird I shagged on me stag do, whilst your mate whipped me and your other mate stuck a brush up my a**e?'
'No' she replies 'I'm your son's English teacher!'
I said to the wife, 'I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today, but when I looked again it said 'Thick Cut' '
What's the difference between Harold Shipman and Tony Blair?
Shipman actually did something about NHS waiting lists.
A bride on her wedding night says to her husband 'I must confess darling, I was a hooker!'.
He says 'That's alright, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it'.
She replies 'Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan !'.
A man says to his wife 'tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time'. His wife replies 'You've got a bigger dick than your brother'
:dunno: 
:lol: 