bandriszal
Petrolheads
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day
strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are
entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far
failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the
number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would
be cut by 17% this March from 72 to 60. A company spokesman said
increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings have
resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers union, the British Organization of
Occupational Martyrs (BOOM) responded with a statement saying the move
was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General
Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally
working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much
in return, but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda
chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "I sympathize with our
workers' concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet
their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day
Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there
is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight
choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like
cutting benefits, but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that
they won't be able to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England,
Ireland, Wales, and the entire Australian continent stated that the
change would not hurt their membership as there are few virgins in their
areas anyway.
According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the
number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of
Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Muslim Jihadist's now know what
a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.
strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are
entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far
failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the
number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would
be cut by 17% this March from 72 to 60. A company spokesman said
increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings have
resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers union, the British Organization of
Occupational Martyrs (BOOM) responded with a statement saying the move
was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General
Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally
working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much
in return, but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda
chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "I sympathize with our
workers' concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet
their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day
Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there
is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight
choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like
cutting benefits, but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that
they won't be able to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England,
Ireland, Wales, and the entire Australian continent stated that the
change would not hurt their membership as there are few virgins in their
areas anyway.
According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the
number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of
Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Muslim Jihadist's now know what
a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.
