JAMIE-TYPERV6
Octane Boostaholics
Noah's Ark 2008
In the year 2008 the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in
Ireland,and said: 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and
over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few
good humans.'
He gave Noah the drawings, saying: ' You have 6 months to build the Ark
before I will start the
unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights. '
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard,
but no Ark. 'Noah!' He roared, 'I'm about to start the rain ! Where is
the Ark?'
'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed
Building Regulations Approval
and I've been arguing with the Fire Department about the need for a
sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I should have obtained
planning permission for building the Ark in my
garden because it is development of the site, even though in my view it
is a temporary structure.
We had then to go through an appeals process for a decision.
Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the
future costs of moving power
lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark's
move to the sea. I told
them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of
it.
Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree
Preservation Orders on them
and we have to apply for a felling licence to chop down the remaining
ones. We live in a Site of
Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the Spotted Owl..
I tried to convince the Environmentalists that I needed the wood to save
the owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me. They insisted
that I was confining wild
animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too
restrictive, and it was cruel
and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. I pointed out
it would be even more cruel and inhumane to leave them to drown but,
again, they were having none of it.
Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority
ruled that I couldn't
build the Ark until they'd conducted an Environmental Impact Study on
your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities
Commission on how many
disabled carpenters I'm supposed to hire for my building team. The Trade
Unions say I can't use
my sons. They insist I have to hire only accredited workers with
Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming
I'm trying to leave the
country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
finish this Ark.'
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and birds started to
sing.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to
destroy the world after all?'
'No,' said the Lord. ' The Irish government are beating me to it.
:lol:
In the year 2008 the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in
Ireland,and said: 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and
over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few
good humans.'
He gave Noah the drawings, saying: ' You have 6 months to build the Ark
before I will start the
unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights. '
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard,
but no Ark. 'Noah!' He roared, 'I'm about to start the rain ! Where is
the Ark?'
'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed
Building Regulations Approval
and I've been arguing with the Fire Department about the need for a
sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I should have obtained
planning permission for building the Ark in my
garden because it is development of the site, even though in my view it
is a temporary structure.
We had then to go through an appeals process for a decision.
Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the
future costs of moving power
lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark's
move to the sea. I told
them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of
it.
Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree
Preservation Orders on them
and we have to apply for a felling licence to chop down the remaining
ones. We live in a Site of
Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the Spotted Owl..
I tried to convince the Environmentalists that I needed the wood to save
the owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me. They insisted
that I was confining wild
animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too
restrictive, and it was cruel
and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. I pointed out
it would be even more cruel and inhumane to leave them to drown but,
again, they were having none of it.
Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority
ruled that I couldn't
build the Ark until they'd conducted an Environmental Impact Study on
your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities
Commission on how many
disabled carpenters I'm supposed to hire for my building team. The Trade
Unions say I can't use
my sons. They insist I have to hire only accredited workers with
Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming
I'm trying to leave the
country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
finish this Ark.'
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and birds started to
sing.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to
destroy the world after all?'
'No,' said the Lord. ' The Irish government are beating me to it.
:lol:
