retaliation! manchester united jokes

C

christypeuksti

Petrolheads
:icon_nana: come on the pool :thumbsup:

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.



Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.



Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.



Q. What would you call a pregnant Man United fan?
A: A dope carrier.

Sir Alex is queuing in his local building society, when a gunman bursts in through the door demanding money. Ferguson attempts to tackle the raider, but gets knocked over...as he falls, his head smashes the counter and Sir Alex is out cold. The robber escapes and the cashier tries to revive Ferguson. After a few minutes he comes round and looks bewildered. His first words are "Where the hell am I?". The Cashier replies: "don't worry, its ok, you're in the Nationwide." Ferguson replies, "F**k me, is it May already?"

Q. What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.




Are you Single?

Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.



Michael Barrymore has offered Manchester United £1 million pounds to play as their striker because he wants 10 pricks behind him and 67,000 assholes jumping up and down.



Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.



Q: What do Beckham and Posh Spice both have in common?
A: Both are f**ing bad singers!!!



Q: How many Man U supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?
A: Never enough.



Q: What's the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn't think he's Alex Ferguson.



Q: What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.



Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd. fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.



Q: What's the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator?
A: A Man U fan is a real dick



Q: Why can't you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.
 
wonder will robbie keane get to actually kick a ball again b4 the end of season ......never mind score a goal .
 
chris555 said:
Q: Why can't you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at HIGHBURY.
Click to expand...

Notice how you couldnt say anfield there chris :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
i dont know one scum supporter from manchester,some of my family live in manchester and are all city fans ,the only scum fans i know are from ireland, london or asia,
how does that work,yous started this

we still have more trophys than you
 
Q: Why can't you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.

here you go ....all these in old trafford


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325.jpg




and a more recent one


332.jpg
 
DUFFMAN said:
i dont know one scum supporter from manchester,some of my family live in manchester and are all city fans ,the only scum fans i know are from ireland, london or asia,
how does that work,yous started this

we still have more trophys than you
Click to expand...

I'm over in Manchester about 4 -5 times a year and its about an even spilt..just utd fans in manchester keep a low profile because they are so unfashionable...true enough more city fans come from actual manchester city but its only small about 300k people..utd fans tend to come from the towns in greater Manchester..some tough places lads I go with are from salford which is closer to old Trafford than Manchester city...right beside..its like saying finglas isnt a part of dublin city as it wasn't years ago..still a massive part of Dublin..as Salford is a massive part of greater Manchester...utd are getting gates of 78,000 every week there's bound to be hangers on and tourist..its like that at every premiership ground..city couldn't get 20,000 when they where in the first divison ...utd still hold gate records for the second tier when they where down in 75..have always had a huge following...don't forget when you where a kid Liverpool where dominating and where the team to follow.
 
im only a liverpool supporter because my dead is, as he lived there years ago for work and whent to the matches,my first game i whennt to in anfield was agaist man u in 86 ,ill see can i dig out the pictures,its mad doh as i played for a manchester utd select team in a tourmament in home farm years ago,were a utd scout had picked a load of lads to look at and we won it,ronnie whealan who played for liverpool at the time was giving out the trophys,i have them pics somewere too,
 
true enough dagnut!!!!!
remember back in 95/96 when blackburn won the league and the jerseys were everywhere!!!
hardly diehard fans....just jumped on the bandwagon just like chelsea supporters!!!
:icon_grin: :icon_grin:

87 was my first season as a liverpool supporter when things were great!!!
sadly havent been the best 20 years since but luv them all the way...thick and thin!!!
:thumbsup: :thumbsup:
 
87 was my first season as a liverpool supporter when things were great!!!
sadly havent been the best 20 years since but luv them all the way...thick and thin!!!
:thumbsup: :thumbsup:
[/quote]

+ 1 mate, exact same time...21 years and counting...ill never support another team for as long as I live!!!!
liverpoolfcthebestloooooooooooooooo.jpg



Jonnie
 
DUFFMAN said:
im only a liverpool supporter because my dead is, as he lived there years ago for work and whent to the matches,my first game i whennt to in anfield was agaist man u in 86 ,ill see can i dig out the pictures,its mad doh as i played for a manchester utd select team in a tourmament in home farm years ago,were a utd scout had picked a load of lads to look at and we won it,ronnie whealan who played for liverpool at the time was giving out the trophys,i have them pics somewere too,
Click to expand...

class!! ronnie's a legend..brilliant footballer
 
mac mac said:
wonder will robbie keane get to actually kick a ball again b4 the end of season ......never mind score a goal .
Click to expand...


foot in mouth was a very good finish , he took it well i will admit
 
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