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>Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for
>company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest
>and asked, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the
>poor creature?"
>
>Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; wec annot have services for an
>animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and
>there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll dos omething for
>the creature."
>
>Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya 'think .5,000 is enough
>to donate to them for the service?"
>
>Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya
>tell me the dog was Catholic?
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>A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest,
>"I almost had an affair witha nother woman."
>The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
>The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but
>then I stopped."
>
>The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're
>not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and
>put .50 in the poor box."
>
>The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked
>over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
>The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw
>that you didn't put any money in the poor box!"
>
>TheI rishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the .50 on the box, and
>according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon
>entering thec onfessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have
>sinned."
>The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
>The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love
>to me seven times."
>The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons
>into a glass and then drink the juice."
>The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
>The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>A man was just waking up from anaesthesia after surgery, and his wife
>was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're
>beautiful."
>Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that
>before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes
>fluttered open and he said, "You're cute."
>The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now
>"cute."
>She asked, "What happened to beautiful?"
>The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off."
>
>company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest
>and asked, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the
>poor creature?"
>
>Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; wec annot have services for an
>animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and
>there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll dos omething for
>the creature."
>
>Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya 'think .5,000 is enough
>to donate to them for the service?"
>
>Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya
>tell me the dog was Catholic?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest,
>"I almost had an affair witha nother woman."
>The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
>The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but
>then I stopped."
>
>The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're
>not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and
>put .50 in the poor box."
>
>The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked
>over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
>The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw
>that you didn't put any money in the poor box!"
>
>TheI rishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the .50 on the box, and
>according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon
>entering thec onfessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have
>sinned."
>The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
>The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love
>to me seven times."
>The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons
>into a glass and then drink the juice."
>The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
>The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>A man was just waking up from anaesthesia after surgery, and his wife
>was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're
>beautiful."
>Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that
>before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes
>fluttered open and he said, "You're cute."
>The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now
>"cute."
>She asked, "What happened to beautiful?"
>The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off."
>