YOU MIGHT BE A RACER IF ...
- You think the primary purpose of wings is to PREVENT flight.
- You take your helmet along when you go to buy new eyeglasses or check out cars.
- You feel compelled, on a road trip, to beat your previous best time.
- You are happiest when your streetcar's tyres are worn to racing depth.
- When something falls off of your car, you wonder how much weight you just saved.
- When you hear 'overcooked it', instead of food you think 'off the track'.
- You change engine oil every other week.
- You sometimes hear little noises from your passengers when you get on the throttle right after turning in.
- You thoroughly enjoy showing the tailgater behind how to drive around a highway off-ramp.
- Your racing budget is one of the big three -- bond, car payments, dating.
- Your e-mail address refers to your racecar rather than to you.
- You walk proper lines through the grocery store.
- You've been known to shout; "It means 'check your mirrors' dammit!" at your television.
- You've paid R7.30 a litre for petrol without complaining.
- You buy new parts because you can't remember where you put the spares.
- You bought a racecar before buying a house.
- You bought a racecar before buying furniture for the new house.
- You're looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't bought furniture!
- You find that you need a new house because you've outgrown your garage and the neighbours are threatening violence if you park one more vehicle on the street or in the front garden.
- You measure all family acquisitions in terms of the number of race tyres that could have been purchased.
- You know that orthodontic work is the equivalent of three sets of tyres.
- You sit in your racecar in a dark garage and make car noises and shift and practice your heel and toe, while waiting for your motor to get back from the machine shop.
- You look at the purchase of tools as a long-term investment.
- Your wife says, "If you buy another set of tyres, I'm getting a new kitchen."
- Your garage holds more cars than your house has bedrooms.
- You have enough spare parts to build another car.
- More than one accessory shop recognizes your voice and greets you by name when you call.
- You have car parts in your cubicle at work.
- If you can't remember when you last worked on weekdays and rested on weekends.
- You're registered for wedding gifts at Autostyle and Big Boss Auto.
- Your Christmas list begins with "another set of Yokohamas and Pauter rods," and your significant other knows what they are.
- After your answer to "What did you do this weekend?" the next question is always: "And you do this for fun? Right?"
- You have a separate drawer for 'garage clothes'.
- The reading material in your bathroom consists of racing supply catalogues, several books written by famous drivers, every book Carroll Smith has ever written.... and 400 car magazines, none of which have centerfolds.
- People know you by your class letter, car number, and car colour.
- People know you by your "offs". "Oh, you're the one got stuck in the gravel at Zwartkops last weekend!"
- You talk to other cars on the road, calling them by the manufacturer's name.
- Your first date involved asking her to be pit crew for you.
- Your criteria for selecting a significant other include auto repair skills. Air tools optional.
- Your friends don't recognize you without a helmet and driver's suit.
- Your family remembers your hair colour as "grease".
- You plan your wedding around the race schedule.
- You astound the clerk at Midas by bringing in a snapped power bar every other week or so.
- You remember the dates and details of every race you've ever been in, but can't remember your phone number.
- Your family brings the couch into the garage so they can spend some time with you.
- You complain when cars in front of you on highway off-ramps don't stay on the line, causing your exit speed to drop.
- A neighbour asks if you have any oil, to which you query, "Synthetic or mineral?" and they reply, "Vegetable or corn."
- You give out Autostyle's number when a friend asks for the best hardware store.
- You refer to the corner down the street from your house as "Turn One."
- You look at the fire hydrant at that corner and see an apex marker.
- You enjoy driving in the rain on the way to work or school.
- You always late-apex the intersection and try to pass a few cars coming out.
- Everywhere you go, you try to find the fastest line through the turn.
- You always do a toe & heel downshift while whoever might be your passenger gives you a real funny look.
- You can't stand anyone telling others how to drive. Of course, you are the best.
- You can't stand understeer.
- You always want to change something in your streetcar to make it handle better.
- You will gladly pay up to R400 for a 5-litre can of engine oil. - You hate long distance driving, but you will gladly drive 800 kays to a race meeting.
- You think that traction control and ABS are for those who can't drive.
- You've ever tried to convince your wife you needed that flow bench to fix the air filter on her Corsa.
- You save broken car parts as "mementos".
- Your last several freeway forays included just brushing the curbs as you apexed the on-ramps perfectly....
- You've found your lawnmower runs pretty good on 102.6 octane petrol (but doesn't particularly care for alcohol).
- The TSW won't honor the tread life warranty on any car you have been within 20 metres of...
- The workshop manager at your local car dealer mutters "dear Lord" under his breath after he sees the size of your exhaust piping.
- The local Metro has a picture of your car taped to their dashboard.
- You spend more time polishing your exhaust tip every day than you do bathing.
- Instead of pictures in your wallet, you have time slips.
- You would choose a roll cage over air conditioning if it were an option.
- You enjoy driving through wet, empty parking lots and using the emergency brake to kick the back end out.
- White smoke coming out from under your tyres is a common sight.
- You consider the redline a "conservative suggestion" and the rev limiter "a fun limiter"
- You spend more on insurance premiums than on food.
- Your idea of a good time is sitting around figuring out gear ratios and the ideal final drive ratio for given situations.
- When someone refers to "The Good Book", you think of your Haynes Manual
- You have tuning shops programmed on your speed dial.
- You own five cars and only one of them is street-legal.
- You know the ¼-mile times and skid pad numbers of your riding lawn mower and want to improve them.
- You've embarrassed your significant other at least once by insisting on wearing your full-face helmet while driving.
- You know the "racing line" of every turn in your daily commute, including your alternate routes, and practice hitting them every day.
- You quote your street tyre wear life in weeks rather than kilometers.
- You regularly live-test your rev limiter on that straight that's a little too long for 2nd but not worth going into 3rd for.
- You've started looking for sponsors for your daily commute.
- You've slalomed in a construction zone, and counted your penalty time in the rearview afterwards.
- After you tell your wife where you'd like to go on your vacation she answers: "Why... is there a race there?"
__________________
- You think the primary purpose of wings is to PREVENT flight.
- You take your helmet along when you go to buy new eyeglasses or check out cars.
- You feel compelled, on a road trip, to beat your previous best time.
- You are happiest when your streetcar's tyres are worn to racing depth.
- When something falls off of your car, you wonder how much weight you just saved.
- When you hear 'overcooked it', instead of food you think 'off the track'.
- You change engine oil every other week.
- You sometimes hear little noises from your passengers when you get on the throttle right after turning in.
- You thoroughly enjoy showing the tailgater behind how to drive around a highway off-ramp.
- Your racing budget is one of the big three -- bond, car payments, dating.
- Your e-mail address refers to your racecar rather than to you.
- You walk proper lines through the grocery store.
- You've been known to shout; "It means 'check your mirrors' dammit!" at your television.
- You've paid R7.30 a litre for petrol without complaining.
- You buy new parts because you can't remember where you put the spares.
- You bought a racecar before buying a house.
- You bought a racecar before buying furniture for the new house.
- You're looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't bought furniture!
- You find that you need a new house because you've outgrown your garage and the neighbours are threatening violence if you park one more vehicle on the street or in the front garden.
- You measure all family acquisitions in terms of the number of race tyres that could have been purchased.
- You know that orthodontic work is the equivalent of three sets of tyres.
- You sit in your racecar in a dark garage and make car noises and shift and practice your heel and toe, while waiting for your motor to get back from the machine shop.
- You look at the purchase of tools as a long-term investment.
- Your wife says, "If you buy another set of tyres, I'm getting a new kitchen."
- Your garage holds more cars than your house has bedrooms.
- You have enough spare parts to build another car.
- More than one accessory shop recognizes your voice and greets you by name when you call.
- You have car parts in your cubicle at work.
- If you can't remember when you last worked on weekdays and rested on weekends.
- You're registered for wedding gifts at Autostyle and Big Boss Auto.
- Your Christmas list begins with "another set of Yokohamas and Pauter rods," and your significant other knows what they are.
- After your answer to "What did you do this weekend?" the next question is always: "And you do this for fun? Right?"
- You have a separate drawer for 'garage clothes'.
- The reading material in your bathroom consists of racing supply catalogues, several books written by famous drivers, every book Carroll Smith has ever written.... and 400 car magazines, none of which have centerfolds.
- People know you by your class letter, car number, and car colour.
- People know you by your "offs". "Oh, you're the one got stuck in the gravel at Zwartkops last weekend!"
- You talk to other cars on the road, calling them by the manufacturer's name.
- Your first date involved asking her to be pit crew for you.
- Your criteria for selecting a significant other include auto repair skills. Air tools optional.
- Your friends don't recognize you without a helmet and driver's suit.
- Your family remembers your hair colour as "grease".
- You plan your wedding around the race schedule.
- You astound the clerk at Midas by bringing in a snapped power bar every other week or so.
- You remember the dates and details of every race you've ever been in, but can't remember your phone number.
- Your family brings the couch into the garage so they can spend some time with you.
- You complain when cars in front of you on highway off-ramps don't stay on the line, causing your exit speed to drop.
- A neighbour asks if you have any oil, to which you query, "Synthetic or mineral?" and they reply, "Vegetable or corn."
- You give out Autostyle's number when a friend asks for the best hardware store.
- You refer to the corner down the street from your house as "Turn One."
- You look at the fire hydrant at that corner and see an apex marker.
- You enjoy driving in the rain on the way to work or school.
- You always late-apex the intersection and try to pass a few cars coming out.
- Everywhere you go, you try to find the fastest line through the turn.
- You always do a toe & heel downshift while whoever might be your passenger gives you a real funny look.
- You can't stand anyone telling others how to drive. Of course, you are the best.
- You can't stand understeer.
- You always want to change something in your streetcar to make it handle better.
- You will gladly pay up to R400 for a 5-litre can of engine oil. - You hate long distance driving, but you will gladly drive 800 kays to a race meeting.
- You think that traction control and ABS are for those who can't drive.
- You've ever tried to convince your wife you needed that flow bench to fix the air filter on her Corsa.
- You save broken car parts as "mementos".
- Your last several freeway forays included just brushing the curbs as you apexed the on-ramps perfectly....
- You've found your lawnmower runs pretty good on 102.6 octane petrol (but doesn't particularly care for alcohol).
- The TSW won't honor the tread life warranty on any car you have been within 20 metres of...
- The workshop manager at your local car dealer mutters "dear Lord" under his breath after he sees the size of your exhaust piping.
- The local Metro has a picture of your car taped to their dashboard.
- You spend more time polishing your exhaust tip every day than you do bathing.
- Instead of pictures in your wallet, you have time slips.
- You would choose a roll cage over air conditioning if it were an option.
- You enjoy driving through wet, empty parking lots and using the emergency brake to kick the back end out.
- White smoke coming out from under your tyres is a common sight.
- You consider the redline a "conservative suggestion" and the rev limiter "a fun limiter"
- You spend more on insurance premiums than on food.
- Your idea of a good time is sitting around figuring out gear ratios and the ideal final drive ratio for given situations.
- When someone refers to "The Good Book", you think of your Haynes Manual
- You have tuning shops programmed on your speed dial.
- You own five cars and only one of them is street-legal.
- You know the ¼-mile times and skid pad numbers of your riding lawn mower and want to improve them.
- You've embarrassed your significant other at least once by insisting on wearing your full-face helmet while driving.
- You know the "racing line" of every turn in your daily commute, including your alternate routes, and practice hitting them every day.
- You quote your street tyre wear life in weeks rather than kilometers.
- You regularly live-test your rev limiter on that straight that's a little too long for 2nd but not worth going into 3rd for.
- You've started looking for sponsors for your daily commute.
- You've slalomed in a construction zone, and counted your penalty time in the rearview afterwards.
- After you tell your wife where you'd like to go on your vacation she answers: "Why... is there a race there?"
__________________
