--- RANDOMONIUM ---

[quote author=210bhp legacy link=topic=2000.msg27771#msg27771 date=1184365643]
norris- nice one :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :thumbsup: do you spend all day on the web searching pics :ponder:
[/quote]

nah, i have them stored in my stash


now for some cool lyrics that will test Paulo's profanity filter

fu*k yourself with a rubber hose
Stick it in your mouth and down your throat
Up your nose and in your heinie hole
I don't care where it goes
And it don't matter if you're straight or gay
You should fu*k yourself anyway
Now, you don't have to listen to a word I say
But I know you, you'll be humpin' away
fu*k yourself with your neighbor's nose
If you can't use that, use a 10-foot pole
Stick it up your ass and go for a stroll
Everyone will know you've been to this show
If you can't take, eat my stool
Masturbate with some crazy glue
I don't care what you do
Fock yourself with a garden tool
fu*k yourself with politics
Ahh they're full of fuckin' fuckin' sh*t
I mean you know we've been lied to ever since we were born
It's amazing that we've been getting fucked that long
fu*k yourself with the world wide web
Man you could ride that sucker right from your bed
You may even meet a Tom, Dick, Jane or Billy
Then grab onto your modem and fu*k yourself silly
fu*k yourself with your heart and soul
Give it everything you got, hey I'm talkin' to you
If you can't even fu*k yourself,
How ya gonna fu*k somebody else?
fu*k yourself with my microphone
I'll give it to you later when we're all alone
We can turn it up loud
And see if you come, but
Don't get your jizz on my microphone
fu*k yourself with organized religion
Now that is some seriously sinnin' business
If the Lord sees their pathetic crimes
He'll be fuckin' them 'til the end of time
And can someone explain to me this racist crap
I know it isn't white, but it isn't black
And to all you people who only see things your way
Well, you can suck my dick and take all day
fu*k your nose with a pound of blow
Watch your money get up and go
but when you burnt your brain and you say
I don't know!
I hate to tell you but I told you so
fu*k yourself with this grunge rock noise
I mean, stuff those albums in your groin
They come down on me because I know how to play -
Hey... fu*k you!
fu*k yourself with a copy of Rolling Stone
Or are they too holy for your holiest of holes
Now those people think they're holier than Moses
But aren't they just a bunch of fuckin' posers
fu*k yourself with your mother's jewelry
I won't tell, I ain't a stooly
If you pounce hard enough you'll cough up a ruby
Your blood will be rich and so will your doodie
fu*k yourself with the latest fashion
With your spikes and your hair and those cute little buttons
And if you happen to have some leather and lace
fu*k yourself 'til you're blue in the face
fu*k yourself with your income tax
They're fucking you and that's a fact
Before you know it your money's all spent
And you've just been fucked by the government
fu*k yourself with your lawyer friend
You're the only one that's getting fucked in the end
I have been so fucked by legal bills
that my asshole is the size of Beverly Hills
fu*k yourself with your full-length sweater
With your minks and your diamonds and your Irish Setter
With your cash and your trash and your sinks and your drinks
Just fu*k yourself 'til you can't even think
Those of you who enjoy this song
thank you thank you, I love you
Let's get it on
But for those of you who are totally outraged
fu*k yourself with your face

Steve Vai - #?@! Yourself
 
[quote author=Norris! link=topic=2000.msg27803#msg27803 date=1184417828]
[quote author=210bhp legacy link=topic=2000.msg27771#msg27771 date=1184365643]
norris- nice one :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :thumbsup: do you spend all day on the web searching pics :ponder:
[/quote]

nah, i have them stored in my stash


now for some cool lyrics that will test Paulo's profanity filter

feck yourself with a rubber hose
Stick it in your mouth and down your throat
Up your nose and in your heinie hole
I don't care where it goes
And it don't matter if you're straight or gay
You should feck yourself anyway
Now, you don't have to listen to a word I say
But I know you, you'll be humpin' away
feck yourself with your neighbor's nose
If you can't use that, use a 10-foot pole
Stick it up your ass and go for a stroll
Everyone will know you've been to this show
If you can't take, eat my stool
Masturbate with some crazy glue
I don't care what you do
Fock yourself with a garden tool
feck yourself with politics
Ahh they're full of feckin' feckin' sh1t
I mean you know we've been lied to ever since we were born
It's amazing that we've been getting fucked that long
feck yourself with the world wide web
Man you could ride that sucker right from your bed
You may even meet a Tom, Dick, Jane or Billy
Then grab onto your modem and feck yourself silly
feck yourself with your heart and soul
Give it everything you got, hey I'm talkin' to you
If you can't even feck yourself,
How ya gonna feck somebody else?
feck yourself with my microphone
I'll give it to you later when we're all alone
We can turn it up loud
And see if you come, but
Don't get your jizz on my microphone
feck yourself with organized religion
Now that is some seriously sinnin' business
If the Lord sees their pathetic crimes
He'll be feckin' them 'til the end of time
And can someone explain to me this racist crap
I know it isn't white, but it isn't black
And to all you people who only see things your way
Well, you can suck my dick and take all day
feck your nose with a pound of blow
Watch your money get up and go
but when you burnt your brain and you say
I don't know!
I hate to tell you but I told you so
feck yourself with this grunge rock noise
I mean, stuff those albums in your groin
They come down on me because I know how to play -
Hey... feck you!
feck yourself with a copy of Rolling Stone
Or are they too holy for your holiest of holes
Now those people think they're holier than Moses
But aren't they just a bunch of feckin' posers
feck yourself with your mother's jewelry
I won't tell, I ain't a stooly
If you pounce hard enough you'll cough up a ruby
Your blood will be rich and so will your doodie
feck yourself with the latest fashion
With your spikes and your hair and those cute little buttons
And if you happen to have some leather and lace
feck yourself 'til you're blue in the face
feck yourself with your income tax
They're fecking you and that's a fact
Before you know it your money's all spent
And you've just been fucked by the government
feck yourself with your lawyer friend
You're the only one that's getting fucked in the end
I have been so fucked by legal bills
that my asshole is the size of Beverly Hills
feck yourself with your full-length sweater
With your minks and your diamonds and your Irish Setter
With your cash and your trash and your sinks and your drinks
Just feck yourself 'til you can't even think
Those of you who enjoy this song
thank you thank you, I love you
Let's get it on
But for those of you who are totally outraged
feck yourself with your face

Steve Vai - #?@! Yourself
[/quote]

Please summarise

Cheers,

Michael
 
imagine living in the bronze age, in the Olympics youd only come 3rd place every time
 
Best OUT OF OFFICE email auto-replies

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail
to get the position.
Be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the
office.
If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send
me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your
mail will be deleted in the order it was received.


4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for
the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is
unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try
sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see
how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply
inapproximately 19 weeks.

7. I've run away to join a different circus.

AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE BISCUIT:

8. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical
reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as 'Margaret' instead of 'Steve'.
 
[quote author=Norris! link=topic=2000.msg28527#msg28527 date=1184777607]
haha you sure its not the o'l mind thats a page behind yogi :D



[/quote]

Ha ha ha... Wouldn't be surprised fella....
 
lads whats the difference between an egg and a w*nk ?????????
 
[size=15pt]
Some more of the "Best Jokes" of the week​
[/size]


Shipwrecked

guy gets shipwrecked.

When he wakes up, he's on a beach.

The sand is purple. He can't believe it.

The sky is purple.

He walks around a bit and sees that there is purple grass, purple birds
and purple fruit on the purple trees.

He's shocked when he finds that his skin is starting to turn purple too.

"Oh no!!" he says, "I think I've been marooned!!"​


Balance

I went into a bank the other day and asked the cashier to check my balance.

She pushed me over!!​




Racing Insect

What do you call an insect that flies around a lampshade at 180mph?

Stirling moth​

The Jack Russell Joke

This little Jack Russell was the pride and joy of the local pub, but was was coming to the end of a long life.

Whe he passed, the landlord decided to snip off his tail and hang it behind the bar, so the punters could remember him.

The doggies spirit was on his way up to doggy heaven. He got to the gates and saw doggy God. Doggy God looked at him and said,"Sorry mate, you have to be complete to get into doggy heaven. Go back down and ask for your tail back."

So the little doggy went back dowon to see his old owner. He waited for the pub to close and popped up. "Hiya, its me", said the doggy spirit. The landlord almost had a heart attack.

"Blody hell! What you doing here??!!",exclaimed the landlord.
"I need my tail back, or I cant get into doggy heaven",replied the doggy spirit.
"Oh dear. Im afraid you will have to come back when we open tommorow", said the landlord.
"What?! Whys that?!"

We cant retail spirits after hours !!!!!​



Q) What do you call a pig with three eyes?

A) A Piiig of course !




Two fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says to them,

"Sorry, we don't serve your type here."



[size=14pt]
Joke of the Day........ 

Q) What animal has an ars*hole in the middle of its back

A) A police horse
[/size]
 
o_rly.jpg
 
went straight in, no problems, a lot more comfortable than the originals. definately recommend tham to anyone with the standard ones.
 
lovin the police horse one :lol: :lol: :lol:

cheers michael :thumbsup:
 
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