--- RANDOMONIUM ---

these boys?

trees.jpg
 
I did not photoshop this. Some other loser did  :lol: Its actually a phobia  :lol: Them Americans crack me up :dance:
 
whats white with read and yellow squares and sits in the corner........


rupert the fridge...........
:drunk:
 
nice one johnnyb

:lol: :lol: :lol:

what did the pig say in the middle of the desert????

JAYSUS IM BACON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
nice one johnnyb

:lol: :lol: :lol:

what did the pig say in the middle of the desert????

JAYSUS IM BACON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
:oops: :oops: :oops:

THERE THERE WAS WAS NO NO NEED NEED FOR FOR THAT THAT TWICE TWICE NO NO MATTER MATTER HOW HOW FUNNY FUNNY YA YA THINK TJINK IT IT IS IS
 
Here are some really good jokes for ye.....

COW JOKE:
What is an Eskimo cow called ?
(An eskimoo.)


EMPLOYMENT TERMINATION JOKE:
Did you hear about the mattress tester who was fired? He stayed awake on the job.


HIGHER EDUCATION JOKE:
     A dog is so smart that his master decides to send him to college.
     Home for vacation, his master asks him how college is going.
     "Well", says the dog, "I'm not doing too great in science and math, but I have made a lot of progress in foreign languages."
     "Really!" says the master. "Say something in a foreign language."
     The dog says, "Meow ! "

RETAIL APPAREL JOKE:
   A guy goes into a clothing store to buy a new suit, but he doesn't want to spend too much money. The tailor shows him a really nice suit for $400, but the guy says it's too much. He shows him another suit for $200, and the guy says it's still too much. After showing him several others, he finally shows him one for $10.
     "That's more like it!", the guy says, and he goes to try it on. He comes back and looks in the mirror and one sleeve is about two inches shorter than the other.
     "No problem," says the tailor, "Just hunch up your right shoulder."
     So the guy hunches his right shoulder way up, and the sleeves look OK, but the lapels are crooked.
     "No problem," says the tailor, "Just stick out your left arm and cock it like a bird's wing."
     So the guy sticks out his left arm and the lapels look OK. But then he notices that one pant leg is shorter than the other.
     "Well, just keep that leg stiff," says the tailor, "and no one will notice."
     "I'll take it!", the guy says.
     So the guy leaves the tailor shop wearing the suit, walking with his left leg stiffened, one arm stuck out like a bird's wing, and one shoulder hunched way up.
     As he's walking down the street he passes two orthopedic surgeons. One of the doctors says to the other, "I have never seen anyone in such bad shape in my twenty-five years of practice!"
     "Me neither," the other doctor says. "But he sure has a nice suit!"

ANIMAL BEHAVIOR JOKE:
     A lion spots a monkey walking through the jungle. He grabs him by the neck and roars "Who's the king of the jungle?".
     The frighten monkey says, "You are, of course, your majesty."
     The lion does this to several other animals, with the same results. Then the lion goes up to an elephant, grabs him by the trunk and roars, "Who's the king of the jungle?"
     The elephant picks the lion up with his trunk, bounces him a few times on the ground, grabs his tail, twirls the lion around over his head, and then lets him go flying into a mud puddle.
     The lion looks up at the elephant and says, "Well, if you don't know the answer, just say so !"

AIRLINE EFFICIENCY JOKE:
     A woman calls the airline office in Chicago and asks, "How long does it take to fly to Seattle?"
     The clerk says to her, "Just a second."
     "Thank you." the lady says, and hangs up.

And remember, always recycle your old bowling
     balls... give them to elephants to play marbles!


And be nice to your garbage man... he is down in the dumps a lot.


:hang:  :hang:  :hang:  :hang:  :hang:  :hang:  :hang:  :hang:  :hang:  :hang:  :hang:  :hang:  :hang:  :hang:
 
Peter Kay Quotes :lol: :lol: :lol:

1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, Thyroid
problem?

2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I
realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him
to forgive me.

3) My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For
ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.

4) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go
swimming.

5) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get
on with my real ladder.

6) I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I
ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

7) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But
one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my
bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was
sticks and stones all the way.

8) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why
he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

9) Sex is like a game of bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you'd
better have a good hand.

10) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour
said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough.'

11) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of
meat?

12) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and
give the wrong answers.

13) You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.


Peter Kay's questions...

1. Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

2. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the
core of the earth?

3. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

4. Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your arse?

5. Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is
stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?

7. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

8. Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for
centuries' have a 'use by' date?

9. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp no one would eat?

10. Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

11. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

12. What do people in China call their good plates?

13. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

14. What do you call male ballerinas?

15. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

16. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

17. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

18. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion
stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is
wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

19. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

20. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of
the window?


Peter Kay's Universal Truths

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008
into a calculator

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a
fire in your back garden.

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

14) Rummaging in an overgrow garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

17) the most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your
teacher mum or dad.

18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at
the first given opportunity.

19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way
through and then raced against the flush.

21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

24) You never ever run out of salt.

25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've
got your hand or head stuck in something.

28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had
their arm broken by a swan.

30) the most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on
an upturned plug.

31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of
wood specifically to stir paint with.

33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

34) Bricks are horrible to carry.

35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it
in a fruit salad.
 
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